3 Ways to Be More Considerate in Your Marriage


What does consideration look like within a marriage? Consideration means you start thinking of “we” instead of “me.” It means paying attention to what your spouse says. It means showing common courtesy. It means respecting and treating them with respect and with care.  

One of the primary purposes of marriage is to teach us how to be considerate. Why? Because Jesus is considerate.

God’s purpose in your marriage is not to make us happy. That’s often a benefit, but it’s not the purpose. Because when we get married, we don’t get our way all the time any more. We have to learn to be considerate. We have to learn to be unselfish.

1 Peter 3:7 (NIV) Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Did you know, men, when we are inconsiderate to our wife God doesn’t hear our prayers? If we’re out bossing the family around and being selfish,  controlling, manipulative or harsh God says, “I’m not going to listen to the prayers of a selfish man.”  

One of the primary goals of life is to teach us to be unselfish. And a primary school is marriage. God says, “I want you to learn to be considerate.”

The problem is the longer we stay together the more inconsiderate we tend to become. We were most considerate when we were dating. “After you… No, no. After you!” We’re very polite and we’re very considerate in the dating stage. Later it’s, “Get it yourself!”

So, how do you show consideration toward your spouse? Here’s three suggestions:

1. I am Considerate When I am being helpful.  

Offer practical help. Four greatest words ever are, “How can I help?”  

It’s you taking the initiative. That’s consideration. Just being practical and helping each other without your mate having to ask you.

That means bringing in the groceries even if it’s the fourth quarter (DVR’s make this easy now anyway). It means waiting until both of her legs are in the car before you shut the door. It’s common consideration. Thinking about what would be helpful.  

2. I am Considerate when I Sympathize with their doubts and fears.  

Have you noticed that your fears always seem logical and rational to you? But other’s fears often appear stupid or illogical.  

This type of thinking can cause a lot of problems within a marriage. We’re often inconsiderate of the fears and doubts of others. Don’t put down your husband or wife’s fears.  

Be considerate. Listen.

3. I am Considerate when I Forgive their mistakes.

There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship because sinners marry sinners.

Because of this truth, marriages need massive, massive doses of forgiveness. Forgiveness is one of the primary building blocks of marriage, and it’s a way of showing consideration.  

The Bible tells us in James 3 that being considerate is a mark of wisdom, which means when I’m inconsiderate I’m a fool.  

Anytime I’m inconsiderate, not just to my wife but to anybody, I am being unwise. Wisdom is shown by being considerate of the needs of other people.


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