Releasing the Hurt: The Power of Forgiveness

We can’t move past our pain until we acknowledge that we were hurt in the first place. can’t forgive what we won’t admit.

You might be thinking, Okay, but what does it actually look like to admit I’ve been hurt? How do I do that in a practical way?

Here’s a simple exercise: sometime this week, grab a notebook or a sheet of paper and start writing down the names of people who have hurt you. (I know, it doesn’t sound like a blast.) But seriously—this helps. Be specific about the wounds you keep replaying in your mind like a broken record.

Now, if you’ve already forgiven someone and genuinely moved on, don’t dig it back up. But if certain names still stir up resentment, tension, or pain—that’s what needs to go on the page.

Once it’s all out in the open, here’s the next step: release them. Let them go. Stop holding on to the pain. We do that by forgiving them.

You might be wondering, But what if they never asked for forgiveness? Don’t wait. They may never ask. They may not think they’ve done anything wrong. But your healing doesn’t have to wait for their apology.

Jesus made it clear in Matthew 18:21-22. When Peter asked, “How many times should I forgive my brother when he sins against me?” Jesus answered, “Not seven times, but seventy times seven.”

In other words: forgiveness isn’t a one-and-done deal. It’s continual. It’s a choice we may have to make again and again—because those old feelings don’t always go away the first time. They resurface. And when they do, we choose again: I forgive. I release them.

So how do we know we’ve truly released someone?

• When thinking about them doesn’t sting anymore.
• When we can genuinely pray for God to bless them.
• When we begin to understand why they might have hurt us—because as the saying goes, hurt people hurt people.

That’s when healing begins to take root. And no, this isn’t about “forgive and forget.” Some wounds run deep—divorce, abuse, betrayal. You can’t just forget. But you can let go of the pain.

I want to say this carefully and with deep compassion: some of you have experienced unspeakable hurt. Maybe it was abuse. Maybe it was adultery. Maybe it was something you had no control over. If that’s your story, I am so, so sorry.

But here's the truth: if you don’t forgive, you won’t find peace.

Forgiving someone doesn’t mean excusing what they did. It means you’re choosing not to let it control your heart any longer.

Sometimes, reconciliation just isn’t possible or wise. The person may have moved away, remarried, or even passed away. You don’t have to reconcile with everyone. That’s okay. Forgiveness isn’t the same as reconciliation.

Here are a couple of ways to release someone without contact:

1. The Empty Chair Exercise

Sit down across from an empty chair and imagine the person sitting there. Speak the words aloud:

“You hurt me when you did this… but I choose to forgive you. Not because you deserve it, but because I need peace. Because resentment doesn’t work. Because God has forgiven me, and I need His forgiveness too.”

2. Write a Letter (But Don’t Send It)

If the empty chair feels too strange, write a letter instead. Say everything you need to say. Express the pain, the betrayal—but end with the same resolve: “I release you. I choose forgiveness. I need peace more than I need revenge.”

Why go through all this? Because it’s for your sake. So you can begin to experience God’s freedom, God’s peace.

“Let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body, you are called to live in peace.” —Colossians 3:15 (NLT)

Let God settle the score. Trust Him with your pain, and receive His peace in return.